The Man You Meet in Heaven: An absolutely feel-good romantic comedy Page 7

  ‘Oh I did all that, you betcha. The wheels were put in motion on more than one occasion, but it’s been… tricky. Those wheels have had some stubborn brakes holding them firmly in place. But the intent has always been there on my part, so now I must be patient and let the universe respond in its own unique way.’

  ‘If you don’t mind my saying, Josh, there are easier ways to fall in love.’

  ‘Really?’ he said, looking mystified.

  ‘Yeah, there’s online dating.’

  ‘No thanks.’

  ‘Why not? You simply type into a computer and it delivers the perfect match. Give or take a few oddballs, sex maniacs and compulsive liars.’

  Josh snorted with laughter. ‘It sounds like a perfect nightmare, and definitely not for me.’

  ‘By the way, that isn’t any sort of reference to you,’ I added hastily. ‘I’m sure there are some very nice men – and women – on the internet, but it’s rather like looking for the proverbial needle in a haystack.’

  ‘Call me old-fashioned, Hattie, but there’s something about meeting a girl in the moment that is far more romantic than tapping a keyboard and expecting it to come up with Miss Perfect Match.’

  I shrugged. ‘I’m sorry you’ve not met Miss Right. And I hope the universe delivers for you,’ I said charitably, which I thought was quite generous on my part because frankly why the heck couldn’t the cosmos deliver a man like this to me? I raised my eyes heavenwards and silently shouted at the strange light. How about sending someone like Josh over to my part of the world? Are you even listening, Mr Creator of All That Is? It’s all very well chatting to Josh in this halfway place, admiring his marbles – and I’m talking about his mental ones, I’m not that smutty you know – and loving his looks, his physique, his charm, his perfection for heaven’s sake, but haven’t I just broken a flaming vow about never loving again? And here’s a gorgeous man who wants to fall in love. Well, hellooooo? But there was no reply from Him Up There, and given that I wasn’t sure I even believed in Him, I didn’t expect a response either.

  ‘Hattie?’

  I dragged my gaze from the weird golden sky. ‘Yes?’

  ‘Shall we carry on enjoying the moment? I’m here to help you. Not bully you.’

  ‘I know. And I apologise again for my outburst. I didn’t mean to rant.’

  ‘It’s fine. Honest. And I’m sorry for not being clearer when I asked you about having regrets.’

  ‘I didn’t mean to bite your head off.’

  ‘And I didn’t mean to provoke you. Let me rephrase that earlier question.’

  I looked at Josh warily.

  ‘While you’re here and enjoying your new-found swimming prowess, how do you fancy taking it one step further?’

  ‘Are you, by any chance, going to suggest we try walking on water?’

  Josh threw back his head and laughed. ‘No, I was going to suggest we go for a walk under it.’

  ‘Eh?’

  ‘There’s a whole new world down here. Fancy exploring?’

  ‘Um, I’m not sure, there’s something about being underwater that makes me feel enclosed and a bit claustrophobic.’

  ‘This isn’t Earth, Hattie. Free the mind. Don’t go home with the regret that you didn’t explore a hidden paradise – you could never be as safe as you are right now.’

  Some part of Josh’s words must have penetrated my brain because I found myself seriously considering what he was saying. Here I was treading water, when back home I’d have sunk like a weighted body being thrown into the Thames.

  ‘Do I need to manifest a wet suit and oxygen tank?’ I said, half joking. But the answer popped into my head just as Josh replied.

  ‘No. All you need to do is take my hand, and trust. Can you do that, Hattie?’ He swam closer, reached out and entwined his fingers with mine. As the familiar zingers went up and down my spine, I knew that if I couldn’t follow Josh to the ends of the earth, then I would at least follow him to the depths of an ocean. Creation hadn’t delivered me a man back home, but right now I was here, in this halfway zone, with a heavenly guy. I wanted to make the most of it. To savour it. And yes, make sure I left with no regrets.

  Josh must have been reading my mind again, because a second later he pulled me under.

  Fifteen

  For one moment, as the water went over my head, rushing up my nose, filling my ears and blocking out sound, I experienced pure terror. Josh’s fingers were still entwined with mine and, as panic began to consume me, I gripped them hard.

  It’s okay, Hattie, he said directly into my head.

  I can’t breathe, I mentally replied.

  You don’t need to.

  Yes I do… I do, I gabbled, on the verge of shoving him away so I could claw my way back to the surface. Glancing upwards, the sky’s strange light seemed so far away. I realised we’d stepped off an underwater shelf and were now plummeting downwards faster than a high-speed elevator. Josh tugged on my hands.

  Look at me, Hattie… I said LOOK at me! His voice was both urgent and insistent.

  I obeyed, regarding him with wide, frightened eyes.

  Breathing is an earthly habit. If you want to breathe, do so. You won’t drown. It’s not possible in this dimension. Likewise, if you want to hold your breath, that’s fine too. There’s no right or wrong way of doing this. The easiest way to deal with fear is to stay in the moment. Apply that thought to ‘the now’ and then the individual breath won’t matter, because it won’t be required. You are totally safe.

  I nodded but was riddled with doubt, still too petrified to inhale, although a calmer and more detached part of me digested his words. It was apparently okay not to breathe if I didn’t want to. I could just hold my breath instead. And actually, I thought, as I tore my eyes from Josh’s face to glance around, hadn’t we been travelling for well over a minute now? Ordinarily, in my life back home, I’d have expired by this point. As an ex-smoker, even holding my breath for twenty seconds was a challenge. It dawned on me that holding my breath had become effortless. My grip on Josh’s fingers relaxed slightly and he responded with a smile of encouragement.

  That’s it, Hattie! he exclaimed with delight, you’ve got it!

  I nodded imperceptibly, still getting acquainted with the weirdness of not actually needing to physically inhale and exhale.

  It seems so strange.

  It is, and it isn’t.

  There you go again, I sighed.

  What’s that remark supposed to mean?

  Giving me one of your ambiguous answers. You’re very fond of saying ‘yes and no’ and now you’re replying with ‘it is, and it isn’t’.

  The sound of Josh’s laughter filled my head. The thing to remember, Hattie, is that nothing is ever set in stone. You can change track whenever you want. Just like you’ve switched from breathing to opting to hold your breath.

  Right, I said dryly. I had a feeling there was a deeper meaning to that little gem of advice, and that Josh was feeling his way more carefully after my earlier mini explosion about having regrets. Can I ask a favour? I said, suddenly feeling a bit embarrassed.

  Sure. Fire away.

  Can you keep hold of my hand?

  Don’t tell me, he said mischievously, it’s been ages since a man held your hand so you’d like to make the most of it?

  Idiot, I responded, but not without humour. Little did he realise he wasn’t far off the truth. I would just feel more confident about the breathing issue if you remained holding on to me.

  Sure, he winked, and I was only teasing.

  I know, I bantered back, although a part of me wistfully longed to hold his hands for reasons of romance rather than reassurance. My palm was enfolded in his larger one, and his grip was firm and almost proprietorial. Or was I being fanciful? Probably. But it was nice nonetheless, and I was also acutely aware of another sensation going on in my body. Around the heart region too. A feeling within my aortic chambers. They seemed to be pumping away in time to a hidden beat.
It was almost like tapping one’s foot whilst listening to a song. I blanched. Was this what Josh had meant by having someone in your life that made your heart sing? I strained to listen to my body, willing it to respond to my silent query. I sensed a response. But it wasn’t belting out ‘The Sound of Music’. More a frantic version of ‘Waterloo’ with lots of shrill whistles and waving flags. I gulped, which was nothing to do with the breath-holding going on. Don’t do this to yourself, Hattie, please. He’s from one world and you’re from another. Don’t even think about it otherwise you’ll end up possibly going mad. But didn’t this sort of thing make one feel somewhat mad? Wasn’t that where the saying ‘madly in love’ came from?

  As Josh gave me another reassuring smile and pulled me down ever deeper, I realised that it wasn’t just the depths of this ocean I was falling into. I was pretty damn sure I was falling in love. And I had no control over it whatsoever.

  Sixteen

  Confusion threatened to overwhelm me. It seemed to whirl in my head like the water around me. Was I really falling in love? Oh, Hattie, don’t be so ridiculous! You’ve known Josh for all of five minutes. And you don’t need reminding that this whole situation is bizarre. It’s total fiction. Even if he says it isn’t. Reality is not discovering your heart has a sound system that plays Seventies disco music and… oh, hello… what have we here?

  I felt like a skydiver parachuting into a strange land and could now see, below, that all manner of plant life was rooted into the seabed, which was rushing up to meet us. As we gently landed, puffs of white sand clouded around our legs. The yellow light above was now so far away it actually resembled a sun to this watery world. Far from being in murky depths, a soft blue glow prevailed, making vision easy. We were standing on a wide path that meandered through a forest of underwater trees. I gazed slack-jawed at branches that moved as if caught in a soft breeze, the leaning boughs like arms reaching out to us. Instead of being bare, gnarled, or rotten from submergence in water, the trees were positively thriving, full of emerald-coloured leaves. Some bore fantastically shaped blossoms in a palette of colours I couldn’t even begin to describe, while others heralded strange fruits, the likes of which I’d never seen before. As Josh led me by the hand, I felt like we were walking through The Garden of Eden. It was dazzlingly vibrant, and mind-blowingly overwhelming.

  What do you think? said Josh.

  You tell me, I retorted, you’re the mind-reader.

  I can sense what you’re thinking, but I’m not hearing it. Why’s that?

  Maybe it’s because I can’t put what I’m seeing into words.

  You know, there are places on Earth like this, too.

  Really?

  Yeah. Some have been discovered. Man is busily exploring – read that last word as ‘wrecking’ – but there are so many places like this deep below the waterline they are virtually alien worlds within a world. There are caves so huge they could house a city. Some even have their own jungles and rivers.

  A river underneath a sea? I frowned. How is that possible?

  There are deep channels within the seabed. The water within those channels is denser than the surrounding seawater because it has a high salinity. It also carries a lot of sediment so, by its nature, it will appear as a river. In the same way, there can be the appearance of waterfalls too. They are full of nutrients, and a bit like arteries to the ocean.

  You’re going all scientific again. I raised one hand and waggled a finger at him.

  Josh laughed and squeezed my hand, and instantly a hidden part of me began to glow. One way or another there was quite a lot going on under my ribcage right now. As we moved through the strange and exciting landscape, I felt like I was walking through a fantasy world. And that was another thing. With every step we took, there was no sensation of drag. It was as effortless as strolling through a park.

  Are there any fish down here?

  Sure, Josh nodded.

  Where are they then?

  All around us.

  My head swivelled from left to right. I can’t see any. Are they hiding in the trees?

  Josh chuckled. Remember that you and I are on a different frequency in this place. There aren’t meant to be any distractions.

  Oh, c’mon, Josh, it’s not like fish are people, for heaven’s sake. I can loosely understand why your boss doesn’t want other folk wandering up to me and saying, ‘Hey there! My name’s Frank. What sentence are you serving here until parole comes up and grants you escape?’ But it’s not quite the same with sea creatures, is it? I’m hardly going to be ambushed by an octopus demanding to know the intricacies of my life and why I married a man who wasn’t—

  I felt myself grow hot at what I’d been about to blurt, and instantly shut up. Josh stopped walking and pulled me round to face him.

  Hattie, this place isn’t jail.

  It feels like it, I said in a small voice, albeit a very beautiful one.

  Josh tutted, but not unkindly. You’re here for a reason. This is a soul journey. It’s not a sentence. Think of it as a kind of meditation, if you will. Right now, you’re deep within yourself. Working on resolving past hurts. Forging new paths that haven’t so much been shut off from you as blocked by ten-foot-high walls with barbed wire along the top. THAT has been your prison, Hattie. Not here. This place is the key that will set you free. He wound an arm around my shoulders and gave them a little jiggle, as if trying to shake some sense into me. Do you understand?

  I nodded miserably. There had to be an element of truth in his words because I was increasingly aware of another part of me busily sifting through the previous days and years of my life, looking for moments where, not to put too fine a point on it, the shit had hit the fan. Where my world hadn’t so much as wobbled but rocked right off its axis. Some of those moments had been caused by other people. Like Nick. And Pippa. Others… I sighed gustily. Well, other episodes had been caused by myself.

  Hey, enough of all this self-analysing, said Josh. This isn’t the time. He squeezed my shoulders again. Without realising what I was doing, my free hand – the one that wasn’t still linked in his – moved around his waist and I automatically leant into him, inclining my head. I later told myself that I’d simply reacted like a child wanting reassurance from a parent, so that when Josh dropped a fleeting kiss on my head sending my senses reeling, I reminded myself that his gesture had simply been a paternal reaction, like a father reassuring a child. Even so, the music in my heart was starting to turn into a nightclub with a plethora of anthems that, even now, were deliciously throbbing their way up and down my spine.

  You still want to see fish? asked Josh.

  Yes please, I gasped, trying not to stagger from the electric-shock effect his lips had given me when touching my hair.

  In which case, LET THERE BE FISH! he bellowed joyfully, then burst out laughing when he saw the astonished look on my face.

  The waters were suddenly teeming with aquatic life. Shoals of brightly coloured fish were bustling about, their different hues, shapes and sizes like stand-alone pieces of an enormous fluid jigsaw. But – wait – something wasn’t quite right.

  Every now and again they fade in and out of my vision, I said.

  Yup, Josh nodded. I had to tweak the vibration. Otherwise if a giant whale comes along you could accidentally get knocked over. This way, they can see you, but also swim right through you. Speaking of which, look straight ahead. He jerked his head.

  I looked, and nearly swallowed my tonsils, experiencing a sudden desire to climb into one of the nearby trees and hide amongst the thick foliage. A vast whale-like creature was swimming towards us, a calf hugging its underbelly.

  Stand still, ordered Josh, his hand tightening on me so I couldn’t bolt. You’re perfectly safe. She’s not aggressive, but she is curious, and so is her baby.

  Seconds later the creature was swimming past us, although her baby momentarily hovered, its dorsal fin stabilising its body long enough for Josh to stretch my hand forward and let my fin
gers shimmer through its shape. There was a sensation of velvet passing under my touch. The calf seemed to enjoy the contact, rubbing against our conjoined hands like a cat weaving around chair legs. A moment later and it had swum on, leaving me both gobsmacked and thrilled.

  So, Hattie, on reflection would it be true to say that putting your trust in me and letting me take you down to this underwater world is something you don’t regret?

  Absolutely, I nodded happily.

  Good. Hold that thought. Because it applies to everything in life. Never walk away from the chances life throws you.

  Right-oh, I warbled, stifling a yawn. I suddenly felt indescribably tired. Weariness washed over me like one of the waves on the surface of this vast water.

  You’re flagging, said Josh, because you’re starting to process things again. I’d better get you back, and you can have another sleep.

  Will it take long to get back to the Halfway Lounge? I asked, looking upwards at the faraway lemon light, and trying not to yawn again.

  Not even a second, he smiled in answer. Are you ready?

  Yes, I said, grabbing both his hands in mine in anticipation of a rocket-like movement propelling us upwards. Instead I found myself staggering slightly, as if stepping off a roundabout in a child’s playground. I was back in the Halfway Lounge, dry, and dressed.

  ‘Wow,’ I said, blowing out my cheeks as I looked at Josh.

  His eyes snagged on mine, drawing me in, until I felt like my whole body was smiling in response.

  ‘That was something else, eh?’ he murmured softly.

  I nodded, whilst privately thinking he was something else.

  Seventeen

  As I tottered through the Halfway Lounge’s door to the sumptuous bedroom beyond, Josh caught hold of my hand.

  ‘Before you nod off, Hattie, I want you to know that nobody here is forcing you to review any part of your life until you’re ready. You are the one who is setting the pace here, and you are the one who decides when to review a chapter. Okay?’